You've had some challenges and you've cleared a lot of hurdles and you're working with a therapist to help you clear the remaining hurdles-that's nothing to be ashamed of, THINMAN. Learn to take yes for an answer, THINMAN.Īs for what's most problematic-fitness routines or diets or even hairstyles coming up in conversation-you're going to have to use your words.
Remember: while there are lots of gay men out there who seem to be attracted to guys who look just like them-bears who wanna be with bears, twinks who wanna be with twinks, gymbods who wanna be with gymbods-there's no shortage of guys who are attracted to their opposites: bears into twinks, twinks into bears, gymbods into skinny dudes. So even if you're not their exact same type, you are their type-which means you are in their league, THINMAN. Muscle dudes who get off on having their muscles worshiped respond to your messages and they hook up with you and plenty of them are open to dating you. (If you do wind up dating someone who isn't stacked, don't hide your kink from him-hell, you could wind up stumbling over a lovely, non-stacked guy who shares your kink, THINMAN, and the two of you can worship muscle guys as a team.)Īnd with all that said, THINMAN, and, um, just having just reread your letter, it doesn't sound like you're having any trouble attracting the kind of guys you're into. If you can't, well, change the preference settings on your Grindr and Scruff back to stacked. If you can, great: you have more potential partners to choose from. (Some people don't have a choice-someone with a centaur fetish is going to have to settle for non-centaur.) So you might want to change the preference settings on your Grindr and Scruff accounts and experiment with a few guys who aren't stacked-just to see if you can click with guys who don't live at the gym. That said, THINMAN, many people get with/fall in love with/build lives with partners who aren't their physical ideals. And even if I do manage to get a few dates with someone this anxiety stays with me. My lingering insecurities about my appearance means I almost always perceive every guy I am attracted to as way out of my league. I know objectively that I’m at least average looking: kinda skinny, good skin, a decent haircut, but I'm not someone with a bunch of beach selfies on his Instagram.
While that's OK for hookups where there aren’t a lot of long deep conversations involved, it’s more of an issue for my dating life. I enjoy watching body worship porn, my preferences on Grindr and Scruff are set for that body type, and I always ask before hooking up with a guy if it is ok for me to feel their muscles and for them to flex for me, because that’s something of a prerequisite for me. I have been treated and still see a therapist regularly for it, but the last big hurdle I am having with it is how I am attracted to guys. I have struggled with some level of body dysmorphia for many years now, and in fact, suffered from anorexia and overexercising in college. I am a 23-year-old cis gay man living in the midwest and I could really use your advice.